1. I am turning 28 on February 27, 2010 and I have never been on a date. If there are men in this small town I live in who might be interested, they seem to shy away from me. Why I don’t know. I know I don’t get out as much as I probably should. I CANNOT look at myself in the mirror and see a beautiful person staring back at me. What? I have self esteem issues. When my friend Stacie took pictures of me, I couldn’t believe the result. But in all honesty, I still cannot see myself as beautiful. Maybe it’s because I know the stupid little demon living inside of me is preventing that. (Read the next fact and you’ll understand a little more) I heard from my so-called “peers” in school tell me every day that I wasn’t pretty. Now I have a very hard time believing otherwise. I know I am, but I have a VERY hard time processing that.
2. Between the ages of 10 and 15, I threatened suicide. There’s the big one. It’s something that I have pretty much kept to myself but am becoming more and more comfortable with sharing. Here’s part 2 of this fact (and something I haven’t shared with ANYBODY) – I still have a suicide note I wrote when I was about 14. It’s hidden in a box somewhere as a reminder of who I was and never will be again. Someday I will rid myself of it. My wonderful family and amazing friends are to thank for me still being here. It’s their love and support that has gotten me through all of this and I know I can never thank them enough.
Wow two facts in and the tears begin…
3. Mindy and I have been best friends since the first grade – 21 years. We are complete opposites and might drive each other nuts but she is the closest thing I have to a sister and I love her more than words can express. She has watched me struggle through life and has supported me every step of the way. We know what each other are thinking (it’s a little freaky to be honest) and I don’t think anyone can understand why we are friends.
4. I know the alphabet backwards and find filing therapeutic. I can be the most organized messy person you will ever meet.
5. I am a girl and know the Boy Scout Law. I do my best to live by it. “A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.” My dad was a Boy Scout Master, my mom was an Assistant Scout Master and my brother is an Eagle Scout. I even got a $5 tip from a Boy Scout Master when I worked at Baskin Robbins for reciting it in front of his troop. (I never fit into Girl Scouts. It just wasn’t for me.)
6. I will do just about any dare but I do have my limits.
7. Finally, I firmly believe in ghosts and that I am (personally) haunted by at least one ghost. I have seen things, heard things, smelled things and felt things that I cannot explain with a rational and even scientific explanation. I would love to investigate with the members of TAPS on Ghost Hunters, but I scare easily and am afraid of the dark (don’t judge me).
So there you go. It always feels good to get things off you chest. I think this was one thing I really needed to do today. I woke up this morning feeling like the world has given up on me. And while I still kind of feel that way, this was a good release to some emotions that have been building over the last few months. I just might have to do this more often.