Opening Up…

 In the past few months I’ve realized that I have opened up more on this blog than I have to anyone. I find it ironic in a way that I’m able to open up to however many strangers visit my blog than I can with most of the people I’ve known my whole life. These Flashback Fridays (granted this is only my third) allow me to open up more than I have in my life.So I’m about to share something with all of you that is embarrassing and I’m crying as I’m writing this. A few weeks ago, my cousin posted a picture of my on Facebook that caused me to shake my head. I was ashamed. Not at my cousin but at myself for what I looked like. Please understand how hard this is for me to share with all of you.

I have never looked like I weigh as much as I do. Two and a half years ago I went to the doctor for back and knee problems. I hadn’t been weighed in forever so I didn’t know what to expect as I slipped off my shoes and stepped on that scale. To be 25-years-old, around 5’10” (yes I don’t know exactly how tall I am) and to see 272 lbs pop up on the digital read out was heartbreaking to put it nicely. I almost broke into tears in the middle of the doctor’s office. How could I have let myself get that heavy? What have I done?

Now was the time to face the doctor. My weight had a lot to do with my bad back and bad knees. He looked at me and told me that from a medical prospective I would be placed in the category of morbidly obese. Oh my GOD!!! Somehow my heart sank even lower. I had no clue what I was doing to my body. When reality set in that I HAD to lose weight, I almost lost it. Maybe I did lose it. I don’t know. All I knew was that most people tell you that in order to lose weight, you have to eat healthy and eat more whole grains. I have a million food allergies. I already eat healthier than most and with Celiac Disease I can’t eat whole grains. I knew I had to change something but didn’t know to what or how.

June 2006

I freaked out after it settled into my brain that I had a huge task at hand. I was flipping the channels one evening and I landed on the Biggest Loser on NBC. I didn’t plan to sit there and watch an entire episode but I found my self listening. Truly listening. I have watched that show ever since. They mentioned something about The Biggest Loser Club and I looked it up. I figured nothing has worked in the past so why should this but I’d give the whole diet thing one more shot. I worked at Baskin Robbins at the time and while most would say that was not the best place for someone who was now on a diet to be working at but I could only eat one flavor so it didn’t matter. I live about half a mile from where the store used to be. When I got an iPod for Christmas of 2007, my life changed. After joining The Biggest Loser Club I realized that I CAN and WILL do this.

THE BIGGEST LOSER CLUB SAVED MY LIFE.

I began walking to work. It took me 10 minutes to walk from my front door to the store. I couldn’t give up coffee and still haven’t to this day (it’s on the bad foods list) but I managed to work the calories into my diet. The first thing they teach you is it’s not a diet – it’s a change in you life. I started making smoothies everyday out of fresh fruit and soy milk. I began dancing again (in the comfort of my apartment). I learned that so long as my heart was beating, I was working off calories.

In July last year I hit my 50 pound loss mark. Unfortunately, depression set in because my life is not where I hoped it would be. I found out the hard way how easy it is to gain the weight back. I fell into my old habits and gained about 20 lbs. It has taken me quite a few months to get back on track and start losing the weight again.

I CAN AND WILL LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT I NEED TO LIVE A LONG AND HEALTHY LIFE!!!

October 2009, photo by Stacie Klemm Photography

For more information on Flashback Fridays, please visit Christopher and Tia’s blog by clicking on the image below.

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5 thoughts on “Opening Up…

  1. I want to say congratulations for losing 50 pounds! Your are an inspiration for being able to stick with something so difficult, especially with a depressing setback. Keep it up!

  2. WOW, you’ve done an awesome job! I know how hard weight loss can be and it’s always inspiring to hear that someone’s hard work and dedication has paid off 🙂

  3. Well, thank you for opening up and sharing such personal experiences with us. I can relate so well, where you’re coming form. My absolute heaviest was 256, and I remember being in a state of denial. Now, pregnant with my 3rd, I’m sitting pretty at 188. But its a struggle. It will always, ALWAYS be a struggle. I know how hard life is, when you’re obese. I bet you’ve found a great supportive community with your Biggest Loser Club. Good for you. You’ll reach your goal. I can see how badly you want to. The only person that could possibly get in your way, is you, and I can see that you won’t let that happen. You are amazing.

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