Opening Up…

 In the past few months I’ve realized that I have opened up more on this blog than I have to anyone. I find it ironic in a way that I’m able to open up to however many strangers visit my blog than I can with most of the people I’ve known my whole life. These Flashback Fridays (granted this is only my third) allow me to open up more than I have in my life.So I’m about to share something with all of you that is embarrassing and I’m crying as I’m writing this. A few weeks ago, my cousin posted a picture of my on Facebook that caused me to shake my head. I was ashamed. Not at my cousin but at myself for what I looked like. Please understand how hard this is for me to share with all of you.

I have never looked like I weigh as much as I do. Two and a half years ago I went to the doctor for back and knee problems. I hadn’t been weighed in forever so I didn’t know what to expect as I slipped off my shoes and stepped on that scale. To be 25-years-old, around 5’10” (yes I don’t know exactly how tall I am) and to see 272 lbs pop up on the digital read out was heartbreaking to put it nicely. I almost broke into tears in the middle of the doctor’s office. How could I have let myself get that heavy? What have I done?

Now was the time to face the doctor. My weight had a lot to do with my bad back and bad knees. He looked at me and told me that from a medical prospective I would be placed in the category of morbidly obese. Oh my GOD!!! Somehow my heart sank even lower. I had no clue what I was doing to my body. When reality set in that I HAD to lose weight, I almost lost it. Maybe I did lose it. I don’t know. All I knew was that most people tell you that in order to lose weight, you have to eat healthy and eat more whole grains. I have a million food allergies. I already eat healthier than most and with Celiac Disease I can’t eat whole grains. I knew I had to change something but didn’t know to what or how.

June 2006

I freaked out after it settled into my brain that I had a huge task at hand. I was flipping the channels one evening and I landed on the Biggest Loser on NBC. I didn’t plan to sit there and watch an entire episode but I found my self listening. Truly listening. I have watched that show ever since. They mentioned something about The Biggest Loser Club and I looked it up. I figured nothing has worked in the past so why should this but I’d give the whole diet thing one more shot. I worked at Baskin Robbins at the time and while most would say that was not the best place for someone who was now on a diet to be working at but I could only eat one flavor so it didn’t matter. I live about half a mile from where the store used to be. When I got an iPod for Christmas of 2007, my life changed. After joining The Biggest Loser Club I realized that I CAN and WILL do this.


I began walking to work. It took me 10 minutes to walk from my front door to the store. I couldn’t give up coffee and still haven’t to this day (it’s on the bad foods list) but I managed to work the calories into my diet. The first thing they teach you is it’s not a diet – it’s a change in you life. I started making smoothies everyday out of fresh fruit and soy milk. I began dancing again (in the comfort of my apartment). I learned that so long as my heart was beating, I was working off calories.

In July last year I hit my 50 pound loss mark. Unfortunately, depression set in because my life is not where I hoped it would be. I found out the hard way how easy it is to gain the weight back. I fell into my old habits and gained about 20 lbs. It has taken me quite a few months to get back on track and start losing the weight again.


October 2009, photo by Stacie Klemm Photography

For more information on Flashback Fridays, please visit Christopher and Tia’s blog by clicking on the image below.


5 thoughts on “Opening Up…

  1. I want to say congratulations for losing 50 pounds! Your are an inspiration for being able to stick with something so difficult, especially with a depressing setback. Keep it up!

  2. WOW, you’ve done an awesome job! I know how hard weight loss can be and it’s always inspiring to hear that someone’s hard work and dedication has paid off 🙂

  3. Well, thank you for opening up and sharing such personal experiences with us. I can relate so well, where you’re coming form. My absolute heaviest was 256, and I remember being in a state of denial. Now, pregnant with my 3rd, I’m sitting pretty at 188. But its a struggle. It will always, ALWAYS be a struggle. I know how hard life is, when you’re obese. I bet you’ve found a great supportive community with your Biggest Loser Club. Good for you. You’ll reach your goal. I can see how badly you want to. The only person that could possibly get in your way, is you, and I can see that you won’t let that happen. You are amazing.

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