Oops

So I completely forgot to write last night but I’m actually not that mad at myself. I’m up to, I think, six days missed this year. I’ve been focusing on getting this insomnia under control because it’s affecting work now and I can’t have that happening. I’m not out-of-balance or anything like that but I either get to work on time or a few minutes late. Yesterday I was fifteen minutes late to work because I over-slept my alarm. I can’t keep doing this and last night I started taking melatonin to see if that helps.

I’ve noticed that since I started the Post-a-Day Challenge, my blog about my Celiac Disease has been forgotten about. I really wanted to start that to help spread the word that it isn’t as hard as people think to live a gluten-free life. I’ve done it for almost nine years now. I haven’t blogged on there since February I think. I don’t know because I haven’t gotten on there myself.

For the past few months I’ve also noticed that I have blogged about random things because it’s 11:30pm and I haven’t posted. That’s not what I wanted when I started this challenge. This was meant to be a way to get me to write more and I have. I’ve used this challenge to open up to people, be more comfortable with who I am as a person and not be afraid to show the world who I am. Six months into the challenge, I think, or at least I hope, I’ve achieved that goal. I’ve written about things I would have never shared with the world. Ever.

But lately I feel like I’ve become overwhelmed with everything that is going on in my life right now. I’m trying desperately to get things to sell on my Etsy shop. I knew it was going to be difficult but I’m starting to wonder if it was a good thing. I wont give up on the shop just yet. I still have hope because I know it takes time. I just need that one person to discover my shop and off I go.

The biggest thing that I need right now is to focus on some things that have been left behind this year. I still am focusing on me this year and I will still blog as much as I can, but if I don’t blog every day, please don’t think that I have stopped. I might just need a little bit of a break. My mom and I are trying to find a place to stay now that we get to go to Comic Con and I’m trying to pay down my credit card debt (which is going nowhere by the way). So I promise to keep blogging but I might just need a few days to gather my thoughts for a really good post. One that I want to write, not just because I need to for a challenge. I might just take a few days to catch up on my Celiac blog.

Mono Lake

So today was kind of crazy. Mondays almost always are I guess. I wasn’t sure what to write about tonight so I decided to share a photo with you. North of here is Mono Lake, a salt water lake. Around here we hate when people pronounce it like the disease when it’s pronounced like it’s written. Mo-No. Not Ma-No. It’s named after a guy not the disease. Mono has these really neat Tufa Towers made from the salt that builds up on the shore.

Just before you get into Lee Vining, California, there is a wonderful cafe called the Whoa Nelly Deli. It’s a five-star Zagat rated cafe located in the Tioga Gas Mart. Yes it’s in a gas station. The food is fantastic. Just up the road from the parking lot is a view-point with a really neat sign overlooking Mono Lake. If you ever pass by on Highway 395, check it out. The deli is only open in the summer when Tioga Pass is open once the snow melts.

Spring Cleaning Continues

I spent the majority of the day cleaning my bedroom. Yes, spring cleaning has continued. I filled five bags of clothes to give to the Salvation Army and one to give to my mom. I still have to hang the majority of my clothes that I decided to keep in my closet but I will have to before bed because it’s all piled on there. The weather today was nice and warm, almost hot. I think we skipped spring and went right to summer, so I guess I’m actually doing summer cleaning?

Laundry was the next big thing on my list. I just heard the dryer go off and it’s 10:15pm. I started laundry at 3pm. How sad is that? But now everything is nice and clean. I love it. I always have to shake my head because it seems like every time I start cleaning like this, it looks like a bomb went off in my apartment and you can’t really tell that anything has been done, but I’ve done a lot.

Well I better get off of here and get to putting my clothes away so that I can go to sleep. I have to work tomorrow.

By the way, my dad got a slide scanner so I will finally have some pictures from my childhood to share with all of you every Friday. I am bracing myself for the embarassment.

Online Dating

Falling in love is a touchy subject for me. I know I’ve written how sick of being alone I am and how nothing I do seems to be good enough. One thing that a lot of people don’t know is that I tried online dating a year ago. I was on various sites for over a year before I gave up. It seemed like the only people I got matched with were either too young just looking for a booty call or men old enough to be my father or older. So many people have told me for the last six years that I should try online dating. One of my problems is that falling in love actually scares the living crap out of me only because I’ve seen what it has done to my friends and I’m afraid to open up fully to one person. With that problem comes the fact that I want kids and I need to find someone in order to do that.

A couple of days ago, I joined another online dating site. I figured what the hell. Why not? What is the worst that is going to happen? I’ll get rejected again. I’m kind of used to that. My other point to myself is that I’m obviously incapable of finding someone around here and I just can’t seem to build up enough courage to talk to guys around here because I know them. That’s one of the hardest thing about living in a small town. Either you know almost everyone or you’re related to half the town.

When I was online the last time I kept it from my family and friends because I was embarrassed but tonight I figured that there is no reason to keep it from people. I’m not the only person in this situation and it seems like just about everyone is meeting people online. The only thing that scares me is the it is so easy to be someone you’re not online. I am already shy when it comes to love so I won’t jump into anything until I’m ready and feel somewhat safe. I’m not stupid when it comes to meeting people. I think being hesitant to fall in love will work in my favor.

Fitness Goals

I know it’s Friday and I’m supposed to be posting a Flashback but it’s okay if I don’t Flashback every week right? I mean I don’t really have a lot of pictures of me when I was a kid so it’s kind of hard to find one every week. Anyway, lately I’ve really been wanting to get back on my weight loss routine and hopefully I am. I just got back from a walk. It wasn’t as long as I had hoped but my back was starting to hurt even though I made sure to stretch before I began. Tonight I realized just how out of shape I am. Weight Watchers has a new workout spreadsheet that I printed out and I hope that will help me stay on track. I also joined a challenge on Weight Watchers – lose 5 pounds in a week and treat yourself (non-food related) – that also might help.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve watched me gain some weight back and I am doing my best not to let that get to me. I know that I will lose it again but it’s just become so frustrating that I can’t seem to lose weight no matter what I do. My walk tonight was just shy of one mile and it took me fifteen minutes. I know that doesn’t seem too bad but I walk fast and to me that is slow. When I had to walk/run a mile in PE in school, my personal best what ten minutes and I wasn’t as out of shape back then. I played soccer so I actually was kind of fit, big but still fit. Tonight I decided to set some fitness goals that I can work up to even if it takes me over a year to achieve them.

1. Push-ups. I want to be able to 50 push-up with ease and military style. I can barely do ten on my knees. How sad is that? I can’t even hold plank position in yoga. Even that has to be on my knees.

2. Sit-ups. I want to be able to 50 sit-ups with ease as well. I don’t breathe correctly doing my ab crunches so I need to work on that too.

3. Pull-ups. I have not been able to do one pull-up since I was about 12 and even then I couldn’t do very many. I played soccer for seven years so all my strength has always been in my legs.

4. I want to run no more than an eight-minute mile. Not walk, run. I can’t jog because my knees are so shot.

5. I want to do about an hour of yoga when I wake up in the morning, every morning. If you read my post last night you know that night not happen any time soon. Insomnia sucks.

6. I want to step on that scale and actually feel great about myself. Until those numbers go down, I just get depressed and then my anti-depressant kicks in and my brain doesn’t know how to react. It’s a weird feeling and very hard to describe.

7. I want to be healthy enough that when I meet a guy, I won’t feel so conscious about how I look any maybe they can see something other than a depressed soul. This also goes with the fact that I want to be healthy when I might be blessed to start having kids. I don’t want to be overweight and pregnant. I know you have to gain weight when you are pregnant but that’s different.

Most important, I just want to be healthy. Maybe losing weight will be the only thing I need to get out of this insomnia kick. I’m sick of sitting down and seeing a roll of fat drooped over my pants. Sorry for the horrible image but I had to say it. It’s true. Who knows, maybe if I just get to my goal weight, I can go off the anti-depressant. That might take a while, but I’m patient.

More Insomnia

My insomnia is continuing and I still refuse to go to the doctor. I can’t afford it. I get sleepy around right now (10:45 pm) and I will go to bed and toss and turn for over an hour until I finally fall asleep. This has been going on for months now and I’m really getting sick of it. I just don’t have energy and people have been telling me what I should do and everything but I usually forget what they say shortly after. I don’t mean to but it almost feels like my brain is refusing to maintain certain information. I just don’t know what is wrong and what I can do differently.

In better news I tried some banana “ice cream” tonight that Tia wrote about on her blog a couple of days ago. I had to put some soy milk in with it and still managed to break part of my blender. Oops. It was really, really good. You can read her post here. I have really been inspired by Tia to eat healthier and have been considering starting the raw diet just to help restart my digestive system and see if that might help with the insomnia. I have been eating less and less processed foods and I will be going out-of-town next week in order to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. I think I’m missing something in my diet. I just can’t figure out what it might be.

Sleepiness is starting to really kick in. I even found myself nodding off at work towards the end of my lunch today. I think I will eventually figure this out and what is wrong with me. Off to bed I go. Tomorrow we get to learn a new phone system at work. Oh joy. It is supposed to be better than what we had. It’s going to be weird not having a fax machine but still being able to fax through our email. Something to get used to.