Falling in love is a touchy subject for me. I know I’ve written how sick of being alone I am and how nothing I do seems to be good enough. One thing that a lot of people don’t know is that I tried online dating a year ago. I was on various sites for over a year before I gave up. It seemed like the only people I got matched with were either too young just looking for a booty call or men old enough to be my father or older. So many people have told me for the last six years that I should try online dating. One of my problems is that falling in love actually scares the living crap out of me only because I’ve seen what it has done to my friends and I’m afraid to open up fully to one person. With that problem comes the fact that I want kids and I need to find someone in order to do that.
A couple of days ago, I joined another online dating site. I figured what the hell. Why not? What is the worst that is going to happen? I’ll get rejected again. I’m kind of used to that. My other point to myself is that I’m obviously incapable of finding someone around here and I just can’t seem to build up enough courage to talk to guys around here because I know them. That’s one of the hardest thing about living in a small town. Either you know almost everyone or you’re related to half the town.
When I was online the last time I kept it from my family and friends because I was embarrassed but tonight I figured that there is no reason to keep it from people. I’m not the only person in this situation and it seems like just about everyone is meeting people online. The only thing that scares me is the it is so easy to be someone you’re not online. I am already shy when it comes to love so I won’t jump into anything until I’m ready and feel somewhat safe. I’m not stupid when it comes to meeting people. I think being hesitant to fall in love will work in my favor.