It’s Been a Long Time

I cannot believe how long it has been since I last blogged. Three months!! I just haven’t had the time to sit down and type out my thoughts and I’ve also been going through yet another bout of depression. My mom finally figured out why I really started feeling the way I did. I was house-poor living in an apartment. My debt got to the point where I could not afford my rent on top of paying the minimum due on my credit cards. I was struggling month-to-month.

In August, we had to put my grandfather into a care facility after he had to be in the hospital for three days. We don’t have the strength to lift him if he falls and we had been talking about it for a while too. His quality of life improved within the first week of being in the Care Center. With Pa having to go into the Care Center, I knew that it would be hard to have my grandma live in a three bedroom house with just her and the dog. I asked one of the hardest questions I’ve had to in a long time. I decided that it was time for me to give up my apartment of six and a half years and move in with my grandma. I had to put almost all of what I own in a storage unit but I came to the realization that my apartment became one of the main sources of my depression. The mess just built and built because I didn’t see the point in cleaning it because I never had anyone over.

It has been a good transition for me. I never became sad to lose my apartment. Not once have I felt like I’ve made a mistake. I know that I should have moved out of there a few years ago but I kept trying to make it work when it couldn’t. No matter what I did, I gained weight because I just didn’t care. I’ve gained about 30 pounds in just over two years. Depression is a horrible thing and can do things to your body that you almost cannot control. I’m still getting used to the way my grandma does things and I know that I have to live by her rules because it’s her house and I am just living here.

For the first time in a long time I know that I can save money and still pay off my debt in a timely manner. For the first time I am feeling good about where I am in life. I still suffer from depression and need to remember to take my medication but I don’t have an empty house to come home to (except right now because Ma is in Alabama visiting her brother and it’s just me and the dog). For once I get to cook for more than one person, which quite frankly I don’t know how to do.

I’ve temporarily put my Etsy stuff on hold because my stuff isn’t selling and I’m not sure why. I think I just need time to reinvent my shop and re-do the photos. I also need time to make a lot more stuff. In the meantime, I decided to start selling Scentsy. It’s a great company and I love everything that they have. You can visit my shop at http://courtneymcelvogue.scentsy.us and you can even order things from me there.

In just the month that I have lived here, I have already read three books. I haven’t read that much in two years. It just started to seem like everything that I liked wasn’t important anymore. As February inches closer and closer, I’m really not looking forward to turning 30. That’s right. 30! I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be at 30. I’ve started trying online dating again but nothing is happening. The type of guy I like just isn’t interested in a girl like me. At least I haven’t found one that does. I went on a few dates with a guy but we were just on different levels and I’m not sure I’m fully ready for a full-time, being with each other every second of every day yet. I still need my space and time to myself and I don’t think he wanted that. He plunged when I dipped my toe. Stupid metaphor I know but that’s what my brain thought of so I went with it.

Well I’m getting really tired and need to get to bed. I will try to blog more than once every three months.

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