This is Me

I finished watching the first ten episodes of This Is Us. Amazing show. I laughed. I cried. I was able to relate to it.

Even though I haven’t blogged much in a long time, I have discussed my weight loss before. I am on that journey once again. With This Is Us, I can relate to Kate the most because I know what it’s like to be morbidly obese and to be that way for the majority of my life. Maybe not to the size that Chrissy Metz is, but she is an amazing woman. Not to mention, beautiful.

I have never looked my weight. People are shocked that, one, I’m not afraid to be honest with my weight and, two, I don’t care who knows how much I weigh. Who cares? That number on the scale does not reflect who I am as a person. I wish society could see that. NBC is tackling this subject very well along with other very difficult subjects that many families around the world can relate to.

Three and a half years ago, I was at the heaviest I’ve been in my life. I stopped stepping on the scale because I didn’t want to see THAT number on the scale. It was like, if I didn’t see THAT number, then I could never weigh what I knew I did. I weighed about 325 pounds at my heaviest. I’m not proud of that. I didn’t realize that I was that big until this summer when my grandma took a picture of me using a saw for the first time in my life. It wasn’t until I found another picture of me when I was at my heaviest that I saw the difference. I cried.


Me in 2013 (left) and me in 2016 (right)

One thing that so many people who haven’t struggled with their weight don’t understand is that when you look at yourself in the mirror every day, you tend to not notice a difference until that difference is significant. I know the pictures aren’t from the same angle, but I remember sucking in my stomach for the picture in 2013. One thing I can see in the mirror is how slimmer my face is. In the three and a half years between these pictures, I have lost 80 pounds. That is the most weight I have ever lost.

I was weighed by the doctor in 2007 at 275 pounds and by 2009 I was down to 225. Then stress at my job and depression fully kicked in and I turned to food as a comfort and ended up where I was in 2013. While I was so excited to lose 50 pounds, I ended up gaining 100. Food doesn’t judge you. Food is always there for you. So it’s understandable that so many people turn to food as a comfort.

There’s a part in This is Us where Chrissy Metz’s character Kate gets frustrated when she’s been counting her calories and closely watching what she eats. She works out so much and she barely loses the weight, where as her love interest isn’t working as hard as she is and he loses quite a bit of weight. I know that struggle. I’ve been there. I think every one struggling to lose weight has.

One thing that I’ve learned that works for me is to lose the weight really slow. I’m not in a hurry to lose my weight. I’m not on one of the weight loss shows like The Biggest Loser, Extreme Weight Loss or My 600-lb Life. What people have to keep in mind, is that on all of those shows, the participants are under strict doctor supervision. I’ve always been told by the various doctors I have over my life that people should not lose weight as quickly as they seem to on most of these shows. With that being said, I’m not a doctor, but I don’t see how losing 20 pounds in one week is healthy for anyone.

So here I am. The beginning of 2017 and I am starting this year out at 247 pounds (I gained 2 pounds over Christmas but I refuse to fret over it). While most people are making the New Year’s resolution to lose weight, I’m not. I don’t make resolutions. I will however, focus on eating less, eating healthy, drinking more water, and getting closer to my goal of 175 pounds. I have been on Weight Watchers for the last few months and I also need to focus on using their system to its full potential too since it really does work. I’m not losing weight to make anyone but myself happy. After almost losing my life in November of 2014, I just want to be healthy and be healthy for me.

Thank you NBC and the writers for This is Us. It’s a great show and it is dealing with many issues that people face every day. Thank you to the cast for giving this show life. I’m anxious to see what comes next in this heart-felt story.


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