Body Gave Up

I have been trying for what feels like the last two months to not get sick that what happens? You guessed it. I woke up this morning with a cold. I hate being sick. I don’t think anyone likes it but it’s something that just cannot be helped sometimes.

At the end of September last year I began selling Scentsy (courtneymcelvogue.scentsy.us) and I came across one of their scents called Just Breathe. It is as simple as that. The last time I started feeling like I was coming down with something, I popped that into my warmer and the next morning I woke up with a clear head and chest. I put one in my warmer tonight and I hope it, along with vapor rub, I can breathe easier tomorrow.

This beginning of a new year has not gotten off to a great start for a lot of people that I know. My co-worker ‘sdaughter crashed on a dirt bike New Year’s Eve and had to get surgery to put her wrist back together, I realized that all of my credit cards were close to being maxed out, a customer’s computer got hit with a Trojan Horse virus, this morning another friend threw out his back and spent the morning in the hospital, Mammoth Mountain barely has snow and we rely on it for tourism (nobody wants to go skiing with no snow, it defeats the purpose) and now I’m sick and it’s only eleven days into the new year. Lovely.

On the other hand, I haven’t been using my credit cards for the smaller purchases and I’m really thinking about my purchases before I swipe a card. I am eating healthier this year and that will, hopefully, increase my immune system. So even though things are a little rough right now, I know things will turn around and this will be an amazing year. It’s all about keeping a positive attitude. Right?

A Healthier Year… Hopefully

So I decided that I really want to get back on my diet. I have gained back almost all of the weight that I lost three years ago. I cannot keep going down this path. Hopefully I will get my depression in line again and I know that will help a lot. It’s incredible what stress and depression can do to the human body. So I am willing to write about my journey on here and even share some very humiliating photos, but I want to do this because I know I’m not the only person in this situation. And please don’t think this is because I am one of those people who make a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight. I’m doing this to get healthy since I don’t believe in making resolutions because they cause you to fail.

Tonight I decided to try something new. My boss brought in leftovers of some stuffed bell peppers that she made and it looked and smelled incredible. Knowing that I had to go to the grocery store, I decided to make my own thing using most of the ingredients my boss said that she used. This was so easy to make and used all fresh ingredients. Here’s what I did:

1/2 green bell pepper, diced

1/2 orange bell pepper, diced

1/2 medium sweet onion, diced

3 stalks of celery, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 package Extra Lean Jennie-O Ground Turkey

2 ripe tomatoes, diced

about 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

about 1-1/2 tbsp Herbs de Province

1 cup brown rice, cooked

1 cup baby spinach leaves

In a large skillet over medium heat, heat the olive oil. Once heated sauté garlic, bell peppers, onion and celery. Add salt and pepper. Let them sweat for a few minutes until the onions are transparent. Add ground turkey and cook through. Add Herbs and rice. Cook for a few minutes to let all of the flavors absorb. Add the tomatoes just before removing from the heat. Add more salt, pepper or Herbs if needed. Serve hot over spinach. I added a little ketchup to mine just for a little sweetness and my grandma put some in a couple of tacos.

I can’t tell you what the nutritional values are. I don’t measure when I cook so sometimes it’s hard to get an exact recipe out of me. My great-grandmother and grandpa taught me how to cook and I swear it’s the Italian in me. I ate a smaller portion than what I would normally eat and it filled me up.

This year I want to eat healthier and buy more fresh produce than I used to. It might cost a little more but it will be healthier.

Spaghetti…Mmmm

One of my absolute favorite comfort foods is spaghetti. I think that is really where my Italian heritage comes through. I am a pasta junkie!! I love all kinds of pasta. As all of you know, I must have gluten-free pasta only because of my Celiac Disease. Tonight while my mom and I were wondering about the small market by my house (I’m still getting used to calling my grandma’s house mine) I noticed a new gluten-free pasta that I have not heard of yet. Cadia. And even better… it’s organic and fairly cheap… for gluten-free.

My stomach has been a little queasy lately and I wasn’t sure if pasta was right for my stomach but I decided to give it a shot. Besides it was the only things that sounded good. My grandma thinks I need some red meat in me and I agree but I didn’t want to make a separate trip to the large grocery store (which I hate by the way) to buy buffalo (a.k.a. bison but whatever) and spend God only knows how much on when I have no money. That’s one of the problems with my body, I can’t even have beef. Don’t know why. I just can’t.

So my spaghetti tonight went vegetarian. Nothing wrong with that. Pasta and sauce. Nothing more. So good.

Happy New Year

I cannot believe it is 2012 already. This last year flew by. One year ago I started a challenge to blog every day. I kept up with it for six months. Then I rarely blogged for the last six months of 2011. I just found that my life is not all that interesting and found it difficult to write about anything in my life. I cannot say if this year will be different as I am dealing with yet another bout of depression (I’ve forgotten to take my pills for about a week now) and stress.

I looked at the picture that was taken at Thanksgiving and noticed that I have put on almost all of the weight back on that I worked so hard to lose. My motivation is no where to be found and I’m finding my self not caring about me anymore. I kept telling myself that I was going to focus on me last year and to what end? Another year alone. Another year of listening to people being shocked that I’m still single.

This year (56 days to be exact) I turn 30 and I am not ready for it and NOT excited about it. For whatever reason 30 is HUGE for a woman and I always told myself when I was a kid that I wouldn’t be upset about turning 30, but I am. Although, back then, I thought I would be married with kids by now. I remember when my mom turned 30. Even though I look forward to spending my birthday at Disneyland, I don’t want this birthday. I will take all others, just not this one.

I tried yet again, for the second time, with online dating. The type of guy that I am interested in, wants someone who isn’t me. I’ve developed a crush on a Facebook friend of mine whom I’ve never met and probably never will. He is exactly the type of guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and there is no chance in hell I will ever get the nerve to ask if he would ever be interested. He’s fit, I’m not. I know that I won’t know anything unless I try but falling in love scares the living shit out of me. I’ve been single for so long that (like my mom says) I’m set in my ways and I’m used to being single. I’m used to living life as I am right now, but I don’t want this life. I want something completely different and I’m too scared to do anything about it. I still cannot look at myself in the mirror and see a pretty girl staring back. I just cannot do it. It’s been 9 years since my first and only kiss. Nine God damned, miserable years. Seriously, I want to know what I did in a past life to deserve this.

I did manage to go on more than one date with a guy this year, but I freaked out and broke it off before it ever got anywhere. I don’t want to live in Bishop anymore. I just don’t. This will always be home, but it’s not where I want to be. I’ve decided that I want to be in San Diego. Every time I visit it becomes harder to leave. It was like that with Phoenix too, but San Diego is different. San Diego feels like home and I cannot afford to move.