Merry Fishmas!

Around here the first day of fishing season is called Fishmas. We’re a small town, don’t ask. So Merry Fishmas. Every year for this particular Saturday the weather is crap. Today lived up to its purpose for the opening of fishing season. I was cold and there was a slight breeze but in all it wasn’t too bad. I don’t fish so I don’t care. Although around here if the weather is perfect for the opening of fishing season, there is something wrong. I think one year it snowed but most of the time, it’s just down right cold and miserable.

So many people asked me yesterday if I was going fishing today. No. One I can’t afford the fishing license (I heard it was about $43) and I have, for the most part, lost my fishing buddy. I remember my grandpa (Pa as I call him) sitting at his desk in the back of the living room with the fish hooks, various colors of feathers, pliers and small gauge wire. He used to tie flies. Not the ones that buzz around your head, but if you’ve never seen fishing flies, you’re missing out. They are gorgeous. Pa taught me once but it’s been so long ago that I wouldn’t know where to start. Pa would gather up our poles and grab the tackle box and off we went in the Toyota up Bishop Creek. Of course we would always stop at Manor Market to pick up some candy and RC Cola and any other junk food that we wanted.

Pa started showing signs of dementia about six, maybe seven, years ago I think. We kind of noticed something wasn’t quite right after his car wreck nine years ago. He started mixing up words and not really making sense which just frustrated him. He t-boned someone who ran a red light and the air bags didn’t deploy like they were supposed to so Pa hit his head on the a-frame. He’s had so many concussions in his life that only sped up the process for the dementia and Alzheimer’s. Pa has what is called speech aphasia which is a language disorder that causes a person to have difficulty in understanding written or spoken language. Pa will recognize us but hasn’t called us by name in about two years. We tell people that it is like having a 79-year-old toddler at home.

I haven’t been fishing in the Owens Valley in at least fifteen years. Pa and I stopped going out like we used to as I grew up and now it wouldn’t feel the same without him. Pa has a hard time doing the simple things that we do every day without thinking about them. One of these days I’ll write about what it is like to live with a person with Alzheimer’s. I don’t think that most people know how hard it is. The last time I went fishing was when I visited my best friend in Oregon in July of 2009. While I had fun being in a boat again holding on to a fishing rod waiting for that little bit of movement when a fish bites, it wasn’t the same. Pa wasn’t there. I don’t know if I will ever go fishing again. Maybe when I have kids I can share some of my memories of fishing with Pa.


Letters to Juliet

I just finished watching the movie Letters to Juliet and I want to cry. They would be happy tears don’t get me wrong. It is an excellent movie and makes me want to go see Italy. I have always loved the story of Romeo and Juliet and it is my favorite Shakespeare play. This idea of these two people wh fall in love and go against their parents’ wishes just to be together is amazing. I have always believed in true love and destiny when it comes to love but have yet to experience it. I have written about my extremely bad luck with love. So many people tell me that I just need to give up and something will happen, but I have given up. I gave up a long time ago and still nothing happens.

The thing I want most in life right now is to wake up next to someone that I love and loves me back and start a family. Thare are other people that told me that love is just filled with pain and heartache. So is not being in love. Trust me. I know that one all too well. I’m sick of waking up alone every day and not having someone to come home to, make dinner for and just talk to.

One thing that this movie did was show that true love can find you when you least expect it. I’ve been watching probably too many romantic movies lately and I can’t see to help to feel like why can’t I have anything like that happen to me? I know I don’t get out much, but I don’t want to find someone here and not be able to leave. What if I find someone that doesn’t support me in pursuing my dreams?

I want kids and I know that I’m getting up there in age and before I know it, I’m not going to be able to. Most of the time I feel like I’m living just to live. To not really do anything with my life. I really do try to get noticed but it seems like when I do, nothing happens or I attract the creepy guys or the one old enough to be my grandfather (yes that has happened). I know that I must be destined to meet someone and that are paths haven’t crossed yet. This post is taking on a different feeling than what I wanted. Oh well.

Mother’s Day is coming up in just a few weeks and while I love being able to celebrate it with my mom and grandma, I can’t help but hold back the tears because I can’t celebrate it for me. I don’t know how many people wished me a happy mother’s day last year and I had to nicely say that I’m not a mom and for the most part I played it off like I didn’t mind when every wish hurt inside.

I vent about stuff like this all the time on here and I’m sorry for that. I wanted to write about how much I loved Letters to Juliet. It really is a great, heartfelt movie.

Trying to Figure This Out

So for the last few weeks I haven’t been feeling very well. Not in a cold/flu/allergies feeling, but just feeling like I’m only at about 60%. I’ve been having my headaches again (I think they refuse to go away), I’ve had stomach aches and everything that goes with that and I’m not sure why my body has decided to do this to me. I have said in the past that having so many food allergies makes it hard to diagnose yourself when you feel like crap.

I know I’m not having a Celiac attack because they don’t feel like this nor do I feel like this when I get ahold of lactose. I don’t like my food allergies because of this. Life would be easier without all of them and I have told people that if I could just get a new small intestine, most of my problems would go away. But if I didn’t have all of these issue, would I still be the same person? I know that I will have to live with them for the rest of my life. So I have decided on a path that I have travelled before, but it’s been a long time since we have met.

Remember when I posted about going on my coffee detox and that it didn’t last that long? Well, I have been without caffeine for three days now. I haven’t had a soda in over a year so I typically choose coffee as my caffeine source. I don’t know if that is the cause of my queezy stomach, but it’s at least a start. Coffee isn’t good for you anyway so I know I’m doing my body a favor by doing this but I will never give up coffee because I like the taste of it.

So here’s the path that I’m on. For a few weeks I will cut one thing out of my diet. If I still feel like shit after a few weeks then I will try cutting something else out until I find the cause of my problems. It’s a long, difficult process but I have been here before and I know how to deal with it. Coffee is just the beginning, but I know that I just might have a very long road ahead of me and this isn’t something that doctors can cure with a pill so I won’t be seeing them. I can and will figure this out on my own.

Proud to Be a Gleek

I had my reservations when I heard that Fox was going to do a show about a high school glee club but when the pilot aired, I was hooked. One of the things I wished we had when I was in high school was a glee club, but we only had choir and I spent five and a half years singing. Glee has become one of my favorite shows. The talent of every actor on that show is amazing.

Tonight’s episode was their 90 minute special episode and it dealt with acceptance. To me Glee is able to connect with people of all ages, young and old. The show deals with many topics that we face day-to-day. I know that I’ve opened up a little on here about the bullying that I received in school but this episode made me wish that I had dealt with it a lot sooner. I’m not sure what person I would be today if it wasn’t for the bullying. It took me fourteen years to put an end to it.

One of the things that I really liked was that Mr. Shuster made the students in Glee Club wear white shirts that they had to put one thing about themselves that they have never been comfortable with but that they were born that way. I’m not sure what my thing would be. I would probably use something like insecure or lack of self-esteem.

Glee had a contest and I’m pretty sure it’s now over, but they asked gleeks to make a video stating what Glee has done for them. I never got around to making a video, but I thought I would share what the show has done for me. Glee came around shortly after I bombed my first play audition and I lost the faith in myself that I actually can sing in front of people. I’ve done it before but never solo so I tend to sing flat no matter how hard I try. Because of Glee I have stood up there on the stage and failed at two more auditions. Whether or not I get a part is not my point. My point is that I got back up there and did my best. I have learned with every audition and I have improved.

After my second attempt at an audition, I began my journey to be a part of the theatre in any way that I could be needed. I have done Stage Crew for two plays and absolutely love it. I love being on-stage and off. My mom told me today that maybe I’m meant to be behind the scenes instead of being on the stage performing. I’m okay with that, but I want to experience everything that theatre has to offer. I’ve learned so much in just a few plays and it has given me the courage to keep trying and I refuse to give up.

I have been able to relate to so many of the episodes. Because of the bullying that I received in school, I threatened suicide from the ages of ten to fifteen. Looking back I can see how many things I would have missed had I actually gone through with it. Having a strong, supportive family and friends saved my life. Being in choir, I was always asked if I would be interested in joining the drama club and not joining has been one of the few regrets I have from my whole high school experience. I have always been interested in acting, but never had the courage to do something about it. Until now.

It took me fourteen years to stand up to my bullies. I finally had enough and told them to stop and even fought back. I never got into a physical fight but I started pointing things out about them and turning their words around. I would then tell them how that felt and point out to them that they had been doing that to me my whole life. Out of all of the bullies, only one actually apologized to me at the beginning of our senior year. I accepted her apology and moved on with my life. I never forgave her for her actions, but I at least accepted her apology. I’m now 29 and the memories still haunt me today. It’s because of the bullying that I have a hard time looking in the mirror and truly believe that a beautiful girl is staring back at me. Hard as I might try, I don’t see myself as a beautiful woman. I know I am, but I can’t always see it.

Glee has done a great job dealing with these very hard topics for teenagers. I hope that they have done something to change how some people view others and have helped some teens deal with events that shape who we are. For everything that the show has done for us fans, I would love to see fans repay the cast and crew. I have thought that it would be fun for some of the show’s fans to perform a few of the songs that the cast has performed on the show at Comic Con or another big event. Something to show the cast and crew how much they have done for us fans. I think it would be fun.

Thank you to the cast and crew of Glee for giving us a wonderful show. I know that I can never thank you enough for everything that you guys have tackled on the show.

New Etsy Items

I had been meaning to list a few more items on Etsy for a while and tonight I finally did it. Shortly into the listing process I had a slight panic attack. I keep all of my finished products in a bin and when I went to pull the one bag that I had to post, it wasn’t there. I was only looking for that one bag so I didn’t realize that quite a few other items were missing as well. I calmed myself down just a bit because I knew it had to be in my apartment somewhere. After a few minutes of looking and waiting for my phone to update so I could call my grandma (I took some pictures at her house a while ago), I saw a small part of the main fabric sitting in a bin covered with stuff on my couch. I pulled it out and completely forgot that I had taken some items last month to show my quilt guild. I let out a sigh of relief and continued to list my items.

Skulls and Pink Ruffle Bucket Bag

Four items found their way onto my shop and within minutes I had a lot of views thanks to posting it on Facebook and Twitter. In the four months that I have been on Etsy, I have only sold one item and it went to my co-worker today. I know that it takes a while to get established and start selling things. Having a shop on Etsy is literally a business and I make things that most people make. Three of the four items listed tonight were pincushions that my mom had made.

Crochet Doiley Pincushion

Before I knew it, one of my brother’s friend’s fiancée was interested in the bag I listed tonight (see the first picture) and another friend placed a custom order with me. Both happened on Facebook within half an hour. I couldn’t believe it. Tomorrow I only work half a day so I’ll have plenty of time to sew and take pictures. Tonight I managed to get one bag almost done but all I have to do it top stitch the bag and it will be ready to list.

My Etsy Shop is called A Crafty Witch.

Easter Sunday

Happy Easter everyone… or as my brother calls it Zombie Jesus Day (I don’t mean any disrespect). I spent the last few days at my grandparents’ house prepping and cooking for our dinner tonight. I was supposed to cook the turkey but my grandma ended up making it. We over-cooked it but it still tasted good. We had so much food, like we always do.

All of the kids in our family are grown up so we didn’t have baskets or an Easter egg hunt. We just all got together for good food and the company. I have never understood why we have a bunny and eggs to represent the day that Jesus was resurrected. I’ll have to ask my brother to ask Father Gracie, the priest at the Catholic Church.

Anyway, tonight I made my Cranberry Pecan Quinoa Pilaf (it called for walnuts but my cousin and aunt are allergic), Mushroom Sweet Potato Casserole and a Banana Cream Pie with a brownie crust. It was all good and my mom even tried the casserole even though she hates sweet potatoes. I wanted her to try it and she didn’t like it which was okay for me. The pie was AMAZING!! I had never been able to get those instant puddings to firm up and this weekend I found out why. You are not supposed to use soy milk and it says so right on the package, but it does say that you can use a lactose-free milk. I decided to try almond milk since it is higher in fat than soy milk and rice milk. My grandma and I over-cooked the brownie last night and today I crumbled it into the bottom of the pie tin and dried it out just a little more in the oven. The pudding that I got was a cook and serve, but it thickened beautifully with the almond milk. My brother made two pies as well and I piped the whipped cream onto both of them.

I was amazed at how well the pudding mixture held up. We did put it in the freezer to firm up and forgot to take it out so I ate it slightly frozen. It still tasted really good and it even held its shape sitting on the counter better than my brother’s two pie which were made with whole milk. All of the pies were good and everybody loved them.

I am extremely tired at the moment and am having a hard time focusing on the computer screen and I’ve had a headache for the last few hours. So I think I will head off to bed. I hope everyone had a good Easter.